Si ma tot duc…

July 9th, 2012

Na bine, nu ma duc, in realitate nu ma duc niciunde, pentru ca nu pot sa  inteleg, nu pot sa inteleg viata asta, ce e realitatea? ….dar ma duc…ma duc cu gandul departe, stau si ma tot intreb ce sens au toate? vorbesc cu mine si cateodata si cu  Dumnezeu si ma intreb, ma tot intreb : ” de ce imi pun atatea intrebari?” Cateodata am impresia ca sunt nebuna, alteori ma consider inteligenta pentru simplu fapt ca imi pun astfel de intrebari, chiar daca nu stiu sa raspund, iar cateodata se intampla sa mai intalnesc cate`o persoana care se tot intreaba si ea; si atunci rad si realizez ca normal ar fii sa ne intrebam cu totii. Dar ce ma tot intreb ?

Stiti cu totii ca in fiecare zi din viata asta amarata vine momentul acela cand se intuneca afara, si cand ma prinde noaptea in camera mea, in patul meu, fara nimic palpitant de facut, atunci ma intreb…ma intreb : de ce Eu sunt asa cum sunt? Ce m-a facut pe mine sa fiu asa? E bine? E rau? Ce vreau?Ce caut? Care-i scopul meu? Oare cum o sa fie viata mea de`acum incolo? Oare de`aia? Oare ce face El? Se gandeste la mine? Dar eu de ce ma tot gandesc la el? Care-i ideea? Pentru ce sa fac asta? Dar asta de ce sa o fac? Sa zic da?Sau nu? Ahh cred ca stiu…BA NU! Nu stiu nimic…dar ma tot duc…ma duc departe unde nimeni si nimic nu ma deranjeaza, inchid ochii si ma ascund in mine, ma ascund in vise, inventez, fac ce vreau eu , zbor, ma sarut cu cine vreau, sunt acolo, sunt aici, sunt peste tot! “STOP!” (imi spune constiinta); acesta e momentul cand ma intorc, deschid ochii , vad razele de lumina care stralucesc printre rolet,  e dimineata…Dimineata nu ma prea intreb nimic, ma las dusa….si ma tot duc , cred ca in realitate?!?! Dar hei; iar e noapte si ma intreb…incerc sa nu judec pe nimeni si nimic, dar ma obsedeaza sa inteleg de ce fac oamenii anumite lucruri…sunt obsedata sa inteleg ce se intampla cu mine , cu toti, cu tot ce e in jurul meu! E ca un puzzle imens, dar copilul din mine iubeste sa se joace, trebuie sa existe un scop in toate, eu asa cred, altfel de ce ar fii stricat Dumnezeu puzzle-ul?

De multe ori cand am impresia ca stiu, realizez ca defapt nu stiu nimic, si ma enervez..dar, imi trece repede cand imi amintesc ca sunt doar un simplu om(tot e bine ca am certitudinea asta, asta si ca exista Dumnezeu) . Sa nu se inteleaga gresit, eu sunt in general o persoana foarte sigura pe mine.

Ma tot gandesc…poate ma complic prea mult,  stiu ca tot ce e simplu e mai aproape de adevar; dar asta sunt eu, am o constiinta foarte activa si cicalitoare, zidita de-a lungul timpului, construita pe fundament crestin, tencuita cu educatie. Stiu ce e bine si ce e rau. Sunt fericita ca ma tot intreb si ca ma tot duc…sunt fericita ca sunt constienta ca toti se intreaba si se duc…ca toti isi doresc sa stie, doar ca nu isi mai fac timp de ei si uita…uita sa se mai intrebe si raman impodmoliti in mocirla superficialitatii, se lasa manipulati si indoctrinati de “democratie”, influentati de mass-media. Dragilor, fi`ti modesti, iubiti  respectati, aveti credinta !

Cateodata am impresia ca s-au terminat intrebarile…dar, cateva secunde mai tarziu imi dau seama ca nu se vor termina niciodata si de aceea : “Ma tot duc…” !



I dare you!

July 4th, 2012

Smile at me!  because I lose myself  in time just looking at your face.

Hold my hand ! because when `ur doing that , all my doubts are vanishing.

Hug me  and give me that feeling , that baffles all description ! 

Listen to my silence and understand it!


Don`t tell me how childish, spoiled and capricious I am! Not today…

Be patient with my impatience! 

Don`t make promises if you have no idea how to turn them into reality! Surprise me with facts!

Let me be as I am, a bit fancy & complicated ! 

I dare you to like me in my present state of confusion!  A confusion created by my inability to accept limitations 
set upon my life.

So don`t ask me why I dare you, it`s just that  loud, vibrant noise in my head pushing me to do that!

Dare or not ? :)

Hello Night!

June 7th, 2012

Up there : the heaven full of shimmering stars ; down here : me with my cigarette, a glass of red wine and my silly thoughts, dreams and illusions.

Hopeless? No.

Confused? Maybe.

Alone? Yes.

Lost? A little.

That`s me right now. I`m not ashamed to face that bitter fact. I`m OK. But since when is “OK” enough?

Yes, I`m alone, I wish I could have said that my lover is right here next to me, looking at me with his loving eyes, smiling at me, holding me tight in his guardian arms, kissing me gently and whispering sweet words into my ears. But he`s not, he doesn`t even exist yet. I could be sad about that, but I`m not..yes maybe I`m feeling a little bit lonely…still, who doesn`t? Even with 6 billion people around us we get lonely sometimes. The good thing about it is that you can spend some time with yourself, doing whatever you like, reviewing and previewing your life.

How can you get lost? How couldn`t you? I`m pretty sure that “Google Maps” doesn`t have a map of all the crossroads that emerge in your life.You`re supposed to make your own way through it.

Confused? Hmmm…we all clash into confusion, because life is like a puzzle. Some are really good in solving it, and the rest need to think twice before putting the pieces in the right place.

Hopeless? No way ! Nobody is trash, even when you feel sometimes like you`re in the “Recycle Bin” , there is always a “Restore” button. Just dare to push it ! If you have no guts for that, you still have a family and friends who would extremely enjoy to do that for you.

 So…I am OK, but how are you? :)

Free yourself…!

June 6th, 2012

Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping… waiting… and though unwanted… unbidden… It speaks to us… guides us… passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… and the ecstasy of grief.

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we’d know some kind of peace… but we would be hollow… Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.


We all spend a great deal of our days thinking about what we should be, how we should do things, what it’s going to take for us to make a mark on these precious lives we’ve been giving.

Let your passions set you free.

We all look to others, to what everyone else is doing to guide us along our paths. What are someone else’s best practices for success, how have all of those other people made their marks?

I say: screw what everyone else is doing.

Let your passions, the things that light you up, that make you cry when you’re alone in the car, or at the inopportune moment at a dinner party, the words that you can’t help but write, that seem to flow through you, that you could never have planned, let those things be your guide as you make your make on the world.

Your passions are yours alone. They are the most valuable tool you’ve been given in this life. When you follow your passions — the true ones that exist in your heart, not the ones that everyone else thinks you should have — it becomes easy. The world opens up to you in ways that you couldn’t know.

Free from the trying and the working so hard to get it right, to live the life you see other people living. Free from the jealousy and the fear of missing out, and the if only I could live like that. Free from the thinking that you should live your life in any other way that you are living it right now, in this very moment.

Right now, you are exactly where you need to be. Exactly. Love it or hate it, this moment is a gift to you, and there is something for you to take away, to integrate, to tuck back in your mind’s eye as a new perspective for your day.

The Sound Of A Million Dreams

May 29th, 2012

Do you know the power of a song?

It`s the sound of your inside , the sound of the singer`s inside, the sound of everybody`s heart. Wonderful spots that can  reach your innermost thoughts and feelings. Common words that are mixed and sang , it`s simple..lyrics that remind you of already passed times, the present, the future,  of everything & everyone, of places and feelings that you had or have.


The power of a song hits you right, it`s the story of a soul. Your inside is the target. By “song” I mean keys and voices and lyrics as a  result of life stories, written after true experiences and beliefes so  in good as in bad moments. Of course there are many songs without lyrics that can  also be very emotional and overwhelming. It is not always about the words, for that we have poems.

I`m sure you have a song for every special moment that you lived and everytime you listen to it, it`s like you fight your battle over again. That is what makes songs so magical ! No matter what musical genre you like, all that matters is to listen to music, because music is one of the few things gifted with power :  to calm you down, to make you smile or cry and of course to make you dance :)

When you listen to music you almost feel like you`re in someone`s arms , at home, or in a beautiful place that you always have dreamed about.

In music you can hear the emotion, the pain, the joy, ! Everybody knows the quote “Music is life”, imagine a world without the beautiful sound of music, I strongly believe that without music it would be a grey, sad and sober world as a never ending rain, but even for these unbearable times we have songs , because music  is what the world and  feelings sound like.

Close your eyes and  Enjoy it ! :)

P.S : If your life sucks be sure that at least it has a great soundtrack !

Love is not a switch

May 23rd, 2012

Everybody have something to say about love. Be it cynical, meaningful, sad, cute or funny, the list goes on. Nobody really understands love very well. It is so simple yet complicated. Look what I say about love :                                                         

You can`t turn it on and off  whenever you please. That is nothing but a disguise. Love comes and goes when it`s  time comes…if it comes, some love lasts forever and some doesn`t.  As hard as we try to stop it, it`s not possible. We`re not deliver with that power.  True love is more than a feeling, it is the most noble touch of Heaven. How electricity travels a whole circuit till it gets to the switch and gives light, so does love, it weaves in and out through fear, disappointment, anger, tears, waiting, slepless nights, ignorance , emotions, happiness.

On it`s way it copes with self-inerest, toughness, pride and sometimes even with abandon. To have love, to cherish it and to keep it warm and alive is a challenging task, but with ambition and practice it provides us light so that we can look around us with a flash of patience, love, pity and kindness. More than that, it enlightens our mind to descover ourselves as we truly are, unbounded.

It`s said  that true love is platonic and pure;  deep and intense;  gentle and honest. Something that takes place between two people , something  that doesn`t need words. It just blossomed, and they just felt and savour it.

So let`s try not to switch it on and off and instead of that to let it flow through our life and to flood our prejudices!

“Heaven knows love is just a chance we take
We make plans but then love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close and never ever let me go
‘Cos even though we think we know which way the river flows
That’s not the way love goes, no…”


May 5th, 2012


Stiu ca ti-ai dorit candva un lucru anume si atunci cand l-ai avut ai realizat ca defapt nu e asa cum ti-ai imaginat …totul e doar o iluzie. 

Sunt chiar amuzante iluziile astea, ne facem o serie intreaga  de filme, dar care deruleaza doar pe ecranul nostru intim. Cand obtii ce ai vrut iuziile se pierd si devin doar niste dezamagiri, sau in cel mai bun caz niste adevaruri descoperite. E infailibil ca fara mirajele sclipitoare ale iluziilor viata ar fii foarte anosta, insa de multe ori realitatea doare prea tare incat sa-i acceptam acest discomfort. Ne place sa ne desfatam in tot ce putem si daca nu avem in ce o facem in iluzii.

Cea mai des intalnita iluzie e cea a iubirii. Simti ca va iubiti la maxim, cand defapt sentimentele voastre sunt mediocre si iti dai seama de asta cand au trecut, pentru simplu fapt ca “au trecut”. Iluzie…

Realitatea e irespirabila cateodata, vrei sa se termine cat mai repede sentimentul trist care ramane in urma iluziei si simti ca timpul trece in slow motion, dar hey, si asta e tot o iluzie !

“Las` ca trece !” :)

Visele ca niste fluturi..

April 27th, 2012

Apar subit si  spontan . Se nasc din dragoste, din imagini, din muzica, din natura si din tot ceea ce ne inconjoara, patrund in suflet si ne invaluie toate  simturile. Visele au aripi, ne ridica si ne inalta speranta. Fara ele suntem doar niste muribunzi.  Visele sunt pentru oameni precum sunt fluturii pentru natura ; o picatura minuscula si estetica, care transforma spatiul inconjurator intr-un ambient cald si colorat.

Un singur vis poate schimba vieti, poate transforma oameni, indiferent de natura lui. Poate ca ne dorim sa fim actori, cantareti, avocati, bancheri, poate ne dorim sa vizitam un loc special, sa schimbam ceva in viata noastra sau pe altii, sa gasim marea iubire, sa luptam pentru cineva, sa ajutam, sa ne jertfim pentru ceva , sa invatam, sa daruim sau pur si simplu doar sa iubim si sa fim iubiti. Fiecare fluture este unic, fiecare fluture zboara altfel si strabate alt tinut, nu se cunosc intre ei , dar cand se intalnesc creaza un curcubeu paradiziac. Desi zboara din floare-in-floare , nu obosesc niciodata , pentru ca ei cauta “acea” floare care nu este doar frumoasa , ci le ofera si cel mai bun nectar.

Fluturii au nevoie de energie solara ca sa zboare asa cum visele au nevoie de faptele noastre ca sa devina realitate.

Hai sa nu lasam visele noastre sa moara ignorate in doar cateva saptamani ca si  fluturii . Sa le eliberam din cufarul mintii si al inimii pentru a putea zbura in cautarea florii perfecte, care sa nu ne umple doar timpul , ci si sufletul !


April 5th, 2012

Mi-am propus de multe ori sa vorbesc cu tine,  nu e prima data cand imi imaginez ce iti voi zice
cand ne vom revedea..Stiu ca, probabil, nu o sa am curajul sa iti spun toate lucrurile astea sau sa iti trimit aceaste randuri scrise
la ora 5 dimineata, pentru ca mi-e teama de reactia ta, pentru ca ma intimidezi, pentru ca de fiecare data cand iti simt prezenta ma faci sa ma simt ca o copila in fata primei iubiri; dar tu, tu nu esti iubirea mea, esti doar o pasiune trecatoare.
O pasiune nebuna, care imi provoaca insomnii si stari ciudate. Pasiunea mea pentru tine este ca o trambulina. Da, sunt o copila care ma dau pe o trambulina data naibii! Ratiunea mea este in nori, iar impulsurile sunt jos, atat de jos, incat nu regret nimic din ce s-a intamplat intre noi. Daca as avea ocazia sa mai repet noptile lungi si tandre cu tine nu as ezita nici o clipa. Se zice ca , toti oamenii se drogheaza, tu esti drogul meu, iar eu sunt dependenta! 
Poate ca marturisirea mea pare o banala declaratie, dar sper ca acesta sa fie ultimul tau gand cand si daca vei citi aceste randuri.
Sincer, mi-as dori doar pentru o secunda sa simti ce simt eu in momentul acesta.
Eu sunt genul de fata cu principii, cel putin asta pretind ca sunt. Insa tu, tu mi-ai distrus tot echilibrul; si folosesc timpul
trecut, pentru ca nu iti voi mai permite sa imi faci asa ceva! Nu iti voi mai permite sa imi spui vorbe dulci ametitoare, care stim
amandoi ca sunt minciuni. M-ai facut sa imi pierd mintile; promisiuni desarte; dar ma repet : Nu regret nimic!
Uneori imi treceau prin minte imagini cu noi doi, impreuna, trezindu-ne imbratisati dupa o noapte “de a noastra” si facand
toate chestiile tipice si monotone pe care le presupune pronumele “noi”, insa sincer , nici nu stiu daca ar functiona acest  ”noi”  din imaginatia mea. Stii de ce? Pentru ca nu esti decat o pasiunea amagitoare !
Da,  te vreau baby, te vreau in bratele mele zi si noapte, vreau sa stam pana dimineata, sa povestim sa …., sa ascultam
ploaia, sa visam. Treaba e ca, eu vreau o imbratisare care sa nu se termine niciodata.
Te doresc dar nu mai pot asa, nu mai pot sa traiesc clipe de fericire cu portia. Sunt satula sa fiu semi-multumita.
Te vreau, nu te vreau, te vreau, nu te vreau…?!?!?!?! Ma intreb oare cand voi inceta sa ma droghez cu iluzia ta, sperante si vise? Oare cand se va transforma acest monolog intr-un dialog? Si oare tu ce parere ai despre asta?

Just another face in the crowd

April 5th, 2012

We used to be lovers, we used to spend all our spare time together and we used to be that untypical  ”cute couple”, we  argued all the time. But what is left now? Just memories of what we used to be. It`s sad how two people who have loved eachother, end up not even looking in one`s eyes when they cross over the street. But so it is…Many tears and sleepless nights are just a littlte part of the price I had to pay. I`ve lost my best friend , the only one who understood me perfectly, the only one who really cared about me, who helped me to “grow” and descover myself.                                                                          

It’s like you’re screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it’s over, and it’s goneYou almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

I couldn`t have said it better than Rihanna. People can be excessively proud when it comes to past lovers, but why? Why should we be ashamed with our feelings? There are no good or bad feelings, the feelings have no law. They simply are there or not. This lyrics don`t need any explanation, these lines speak for themselves.

Can you imagine such a deeply love that it almost hurts to share it? A love that destroys the relationship in which it grew, that destroys personalities? How is it possible for love to be destructive? That is the question that makes me feel hopeless.

And now “ when it’s over, and it’s gone”  I don`t wish all that bad stuff back, I just want to get over it , not to completly forget you , but just the bad memories which still hurt , so that  you can be my friend again, not just another face in the crowd !