Struggling between the fantasy that has sheltered inside my head, and the reality that is out there, unknown, untasted, not yet revealed, I came to terms with the cruel truth that I have no idea whether I should give in to my hopes, and break down all my heart’s walls, or guard them with my life.
I fancy this guy, I am totally fascinated by him, everything he does, everything he says to me and the way he does it, makes me daydream about episodes of a life together, me walking down the aisle, him smiling, bedtime conversations, a whole life ahead; episodes all in my head, when it struck me…what if it wouldn’t be like that? what if in real life, after spending more time together, after the magic fades away he isn’t at all what I imagine? Or even worse, what if he is the man of my dreams, and everything I ever wanted in a guy for the log run, but I am not for him?
It’s true that there’s a 13 years difference between us, and he has his life all figured out, he already has an 11 year old daughter from his first marriage, he’s got a past, but then again everybody does. Maybe being that he was married once, he doesn’t want to have a wedding anymore, being that he has a daughter he doesn’t want kids anymore, and I do! I really do, I want two kids, And a wedding where my parents could be happy for me, and my dad could walk me down the aisle, and my mom could cry, and my little brother can pick up girls:)) . I don’t want to take that away from my folks. But I deviated a little bit.
There’s a very big chance that my guy isn’t the prince charming I had dreamed about, but if he’s anything like I pictured him to be, he’s pretty damn close, and I feel like I owe it to myself to find out whether or not the two worlds collide
…we were daydreaming, remembering the three days that have passed.
We were both in bed just laying there in each other’s arms. The hotel room was very tidy considering the wild nights that have happened. Moments passed were going trough my mind like drops of sweat on an athlete’s body after workout, one by one, and not at all in order, but all at once. The moment when i saw him at the airport and my heart was racing way faster than my feet taking me closer; when he hugged me as if the world was ending soon; the first kiss we shared after dancing in that very hotel room…followed by more kisses, not by far as sweet and well behaved as the first one, but passionate and wild and insatiable; the way he looked at me after we finished making love, his eyes screaming happiness and tenderness, and the desire for more; the walk that we took down the quiet streets holding hands and enjoying the silence; the look he gave me the first time i had just come out of the shower, with my messy hair, totally undressed of the make-up that masked my face during the day, the way he looked at me, as if there was no other girl in the world but me; the way he touched and kissed every inch of my body for the first time, enjoying every bit of it; the first time…the first dance…everything, every moment was rolling trough my mind as a movie, such a beautiful movie…out movie, telling our story, a story I never want to hear the end of, because i don’t want it to end.
The city break getaway…a dream i would very much not want to wake up from…and there is the moment that now keeps rewinding over and over again, picturing me asking him while he holds me close to his heart…”And how am I supposed to go back from this?“
I want a love so big that the world would seem small.
I want the kind of love that consumes you on the inside, the kind that fills you with such joy, and such emotion, that suddenly you aren’t able to think straight.
I’m a dreamer, always was, always will be, and i love it! So why is it that the reality doesn’t match my dreams? I want the kind of story that would heartwarm even the toughest alfa male at the sound of it. The kind that you see in movies, boy meets girl, he catches a glimpse of her smile on the dance floor, and then can’t take his eyes of her, hoping that she’ll aknoledge him. She sees his lost look, his wide and very sweet smile every time their eyes meet. She asks him to dance, and after the song ends they keep talking, and talking, and talking, making the time fly by, and getting lost in each other’s eyes. ..Soon he has to go, but not before he makes sure he will see her again, and that he get’s her contact details, reassuring her that they will meet again, for sure they will.
He’s the kind of guy you usually see with a girlfriend, and wonder how did hat happen, and how lucky she must be. Wide smile…oh that smile! big blue eyes, the face of a big baby, that makes you want to pinch his cheeks and hug him really really strong. Tall, strong, smart, very smart actually, willing to learn new things, an explorer, an adventurer, a lawyer none the less……A lawyer. my deepest fascination. But this one…this one is a lawyer that tries to disclose every stereotype ever made about lawyers, as that they would be geeks, and close minded, and sobre, and serious all the time, and ….so far so good.
I for one want to hear the end of the story…you know…the one with the “and they lived happily ever after” one
I haven’t written in here for so long, and i figured i should start again. For fun…for my peace of mind, and because of my dear friend who said i should write more often.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About life in general, but more specifically about my life. I left Romania, and came to Denmark, only to find that the reason i came, and that is my masters degree, is one big mistake. I hate it. In one of the TED videos, one of the speakers was saying that you have to be passionate about what you do…you have to have passion. And i am passionately hating the master degree that i chose. It’s just not me. I was used to put into practice, or at least to be able to put into practice whatever i was studying, but not here. Here it’s all about research, and more research. And i hate it!
So now i’m rethinking my whole life’s strategy.
I want to travel, i want to freelance, i want to create, i want to love passionately what i do, i want to cook, i want to open my own restaurant, i want to love people worthy of my love, i want to be a dreamer, i want to do all the stupid things a 22 year old girl should do, i want a colorful life in every way i know it can be, and i want to live it to the fullest, no matter what!
And i have just started. Here and now i promise i won’t stop.
- I used to belive in destiny , you know? I used to go to the cofee place with my favourite book and listening to my favourite song on my MP3, see a handsome guy just waiting for the waitress to take his order, and i used to think “hey, maybe he could be the one”, and now i think, that maybe that douche is just waiting for his perfect girlfriend to show up, with her skinny body, and perfect hair…
- You’ve been just focussed on your future, and the things you have going on.
-No, it’s more than that, I stopped beliveing, and not in a messed up way that would make me cry at night, it’s just that i feel like every day i belive less and less, and i’m affraid i’m going to stop beliveing eventually, and that sucks. And what do i do then my dear friend?
- You’re Laura Rus… you start beliveing again.
-In what? Destiny?
- ..Chemistry… If you have chemistry , you only need one other thing..
- What’s that?
- Timing… but timing’s a bitch!